Recovering alcoholic trust dating
Worried businessman " data-medium-file="https:// data-large-file="https:// /When a friend or loved one with a drinking problem enters into recovery, naturally we want to do everything in our power to support her path to wellness.
But at the same time, we recognize the situation is fluid and we know that the person we care about is facing a long road back to sobriety.
After dating one dud after another, you finally find someone who seems to have it all – thoughtful, witty, responsible – and good-looking to boot.
Then they drop a bomb: “I used to be a drug addict.” They may as well have said, “I’m married.” But does one partner being in recovery automatically spell doom for a relationship?
In the disease approach, the family members are treated with therapy separate from the alcoholic.
This therapy encourages the alcoholic, the spouse and the family to reach outside the family for help.
Abstinence may be as hard or even harder than drinking for the alcoholic because it reveals so many problems that were obscured by the family's focus on alcohol.
Denial remains as strong as ever as the family has to face the harsh realities of delusion, illusion and collusion that have dominated its reality during drinking and that are now revealed during the period of abstinence.
Because recovery is a lifelong process, recovering addicts are in a perpetual state of self-improvement.
You may even have agreed to loan them money, buy them a car, overlooked their curfew or convinced yourself it was just a “little white lie.” You may have spent countless hours defending yourself against accusations, such as, “you always put the children first” or “what, don’t you trust me” or “if you’d try a little harder to be kind and loving” or “how hard is it to cook a decent meal” or “can’t a guy stop with his buddies after work” or ________________________ . The answer is simple AND oh so hard, “You must first learn to trust yourself.” As crazy as that sounds, it’s true. The only way you’ve gotten to the place you are in in your relationship with your alcoholic | addict loved one is your belief that you are dealing with your loved one’s true self (the person before drinking | drugging that you’re initially convinced and eventually pray will emerge and end the nightmare).
You do not realize that as long as your loved one drinks or drugs in any amount (assuming they are an addict | alcoholic), you will NEVER be able to trust them. Because, sadly, their lying, stealing, cheating and other untrustworthy behaviors are part of their brain disease. And how in the heck are you supposed to learn to trust yourself?
And it is these brain changes that make it impossible for your loved one to change their behaviors when drinking or drugging because the brain controls everything a person thinks, feels, says and does. In this post, you will find a host of resources that explains the brain disease of addiction, addiction cravings, why it is that some people who abuse drugs or alcohol as much as another person never cross the line to addiction, and how it is that drugs or alcohol hijack a person’s brain and therefore that person’s behaviors.
Learning, believing and not wavering from the facts about addiction is the first step to learning to trust yourself.
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SEE ALSO: What Should You Say to a Recovering Alcoholic?